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Halfway Down

by Time and Pressure

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1.
“Throwing Roses” I don’t know why The world never loved you back After everything you gave You were born again But never pulled from the depths Drowning while singing that you’re saved And it’s easy to hide your tears When you’re still sinking And you can always keep your Eyes closed tight And pretend you’re only blinking A golden heart just adds more weight And pulls you further below Until you give up that part of yourself That still treads water when you’re halfway down You give yourself away to Those who’d rather walk across the water Than extend an arm to bring you to the surface I’ve witnessed all my life You throwing roses to Calloused hands Ready to pull the petals off The moment you begin to bloom Do you ever pray for gold to rust? Do you ever wish that thorns can kill? I do. You call to God to protect you from harm But prayers don’t float from halfway down
2.
Theseus 02:08
“Theseus” Will I feel regret? Will I know what I feel at all? I’ve never learned to understand myself without Screaming into friends’ and strangers’ faces, Temper tantrums with an audience--just a spoiled child With a God complex And like my heroes, I’m obsessed with earning a good death Anything worth loving shouldn’t last forever The best stories have their endings written from the start The last step planned before the first And my feet are getting tired Will I feel remorse for the parts I’ve lost along the way? The broken, the discarded, the stolen, bled out, wrapped up, fixed, replaced I measured the years in set lists and demo tapes And even I’m surprised how many songs I have survived Despite how hard I’ve tried My body betrays me like I thought Only a lover could How can I know that when I come home from this I’ll be the same person who left? Will I be lost at sea while someone I don’t know Sleeps in a grave meant for me? Are the discarded pieces who I am, who I was, or who I’m meant to be: A spoiled child with a God complex Who never got his good death? It’s only the ends that give us meaning Only in death do we have names
3.
Wrapped Up 01:17
I’ve only ever been addicted to sorrow And I’ve chased it so long I don’t feel it much Like my meth-mouthed uncle with the brand-new track marks I’ve grown tolerant; I need something harder Growing up is giving up I’m Bored to tears with love and laughter And Forever seeking the mourning after Growing up is giving up on love Because you hunted for hurt till you felt nothing at all You abandon being able to be scared If you learn to love your nightmares Poison your heart all that you want But what doesn’t kill you makes you go numb I went from “Woe is me,” And, “Nobody’s ever gonna love me,” To sneaking out while they’re still asleep Just a little bit too abruptly A Trojan heart designed to protect you From letting your compulsions infect you Surprise, surprise, safety comes with a price: Wrapped up so tight not even the feelings can get through
4.
Curtain Call 01:50
This isn’t a repeat of “Last January” This is Death in June A six-year sentence punctuated by a blood-red dot And the rips in your tights where the flesh pokes through Because you’ve gotten so Used to wearing costumes They’ve started to replace your skin Cut and sewn, formed and molded Every detail designed to replicate perfection And were you lying next to me While you were lying next to me-- Whispering rehearsed sweet nothings Through your photogenic teeth? What’s a disguise But a lie for your body? What’s your body But a collection of lies? I went home with nothing more than A set of stray hairs stuck to my chest Every single one a different color You played the part of a person Who longed for something more than Someone to reach up her hand-sewn skirt And you pulled me in closer With plagiarized body language Promises never meant to keep Made with bedroom eyes in love-stained sheets I’ve seen you more naked than nude I have peeled back your skin And though you bare it all for the cameras There’s still something hidden behind the curtains If my flesh were stretched over someone as ugly inside as you I’d hide too
5.
And it feels like I am Standing on the waterfront Watching everything I ever was And everything I could be Drift away as it’s set ablaze And I want to be aboard the ship Desperately seeking purpose in The flames I live to die alone With lies of love and tales of Longing like, “I could have been somebody.” I grasp for words I heard somewhere before But my hands slip through and I am Gripping nothing And it feels like I am staring Into mirrors at no reflection Blank, and empty, and endless I search through every book I find For the perfect word to steal The one that best describes this life But still I come up short ‘Cause nobody’s dreamed one up yet And Shakespeare? He’s still dead Nostalgia kills You can’t prepare for what’s coming When you’re always looking back But the songs your friends loved That you never knew the words to Linger long after the people have left The pyre sings my name The call of the void is sweet Road maps are timelines you can travel Here we were lovers but down the street we were “friends” So I go slowly when the light turns green To put off crossing into the present tense And if home is where the heart is then I gave my home away In fragments like glass after I struck it And as I’m clutching my fist Watching the boat turn to ash I’m still learning words to songs I haven’t sung yet
6.
The dream tastes sweet But when shoved into your mouth It rots your teeth With sugar-coated myths of Love unconditional From sinister, manipulative hands That push your face down into the muck Then ask you why your lungs are blocked The dream, it taunts From atop glass ceilings And it haunts Like ghosts wholly American Inexorable spirits of the living Who refuse real death And thrive on your fear When it’s they who should be afraid Of you, your anger, the greatest gift You have against machines Fabricating fantasies To stalk you in your sleep And take what they looted From your history So I hope you find the power In your lungs to Scream into their faces And when the void never answers back Don’t let it swallow you into the Nothing Because you are art at any volume And you can drown out the white noise Some dreams deserve to burn Some dreams are made to die
7.
Psalm 38:9 02:04
I watched a man die And where was God When he took his big, final breath? I stared at his face To find what was left I’ve watched a man dying And I don’t know which is worse When I look into his eyes I see God I see lies It’s not fair, I know There is sorrow where the laughter grows Two branches of the same tree One for you and one for me You taught me to pray Now I’m hoping for a quick end My model for God Always rubbing my nose in the stains of death My father told me “Son, you can’t kill time. But time will surely kill you.” And then he drank down All his prayers by the gallon Each one went unanswered I swore that I would Never be like you What a tired cliché My knuckles, ripped from Beating myself up, Proves the fruit didn’t fall so far from the tree Now did it? I can’t go on like this I am falling apart When I see nothing behind your eyes I know I’m watching as the last of God dies
8.
Old Scratch 02:11
Tell me what it’s like to move on Tell me what it means to grow Tell me that I won’t be this way forever I always find myself at the right place At the wrong time Left to rot in the same spot Crumbling while life forgets about me So find me rooted in the soil Deep enough to unearth my forefathers’ remains Don’t break your back trying to Pull me from the earth Don’t waste your pain on me When I reach out with my jagged limbs They splinter and plummet to the ground So pieces of me can be stripped and pulped To make the paper where I write down my confessions You’ve heard them all before But still I carve the words into my skin Tell me How to leave this place The seasons change but I remain the same I’ve grown to stand the winter I can live in the grey I’m not afraid of the axe I can withstand the ache But if you swing it at me Don’t be surprised when your elbows break I wait Because my weight Anchors me to the ground The worst advice that I ever got was “You’ve got to make yourself move on” It’s what they say when they don’t care enough To sever the roots To really cut through And I’ve tried But all I’ve got to show Is mud on my name and on my feet below And a string of people who’ve gotten hurt After they’ve given up trying to pull me from the dirt
9.
When you were born The stars didn’t even blink. They walked on past without turning their heads Like God stepping over a termite. Cancer and Virgo and Pisces Are just crude shapes made up of stars Nowhere within reach of each other Strung together with the fabrics Of men who clung to superstition. Scorpio and Gemini and Leo Look down at you and see nothing. Forget their shapes. Look up and see nothing.
10.
Don’t let them see you cry Don’t let them see you weak Don’t give them any indication That you’re human Because if they know you can bleed Then they know that they can kill you And if you’re mortal It means they own you Shave your head To keep their fingers out of your hair And swing whatever weapons you can make From what you’ve got They’ll claim they sculpted you from clay To justify leaving their fingerprints on your face But they who say they made you In their own image are only playing God The absent Fathers returning when the tithe is due And when they tell you That you’re one of the lucky ones Make them regret they spoke Because their words are never gospel Your kind were the first To make God weep Tell me that’s not power First to deny paradise Tell me that’s not strength Don’t let them take your body Don’t let them take you

credits

released July 30, 2021

Drew Maxey - Vocals
Travis Scheaffer - Drums
James Carroll - Guitar
David Shanle - Guitar
Blake Fowler - Bass

Recorded and Mixed by Andy Nelson at Bricktop Studios
Mastered by Alan Douches
All music by Time and Pressure
All lyrics by Drew Maxey
Additional vocals by Blake Fowler
Art and Layout by James Carroll
Front Cover Photo by Tyler Mazza

Released by Safe Inside Records
Gateway City Hardcore

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Time and Pressure St. Louis, Missouri

Hardcore from the Gateway City.

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